Star Trek Online: Call of Valor

A Star Trek Online Fan-fiction.

Whine, bitch, moan…

I really hate STOs Crafting.

Why? Because it’s not crafting; it’s just another currency. Honestly, I’d like to see it MASSIVELY improved. Heck, even go so far as to make it so only engineers can craft. Or even better, Have those data samples needing to be turned over to a Science toon who then “researches” new components, that Engineer toons then cobble into new or better parts. Or have just a general “research” skill that EVERYONE has to turn all those data samples into a single currency that can then be traded instead of filling our limited inventories or banks with all these different items that are all just used for “buying” better stuff from Memory Alpha. The higher the skill, the more you get out of the data samples.

Which brings me to my next gripe: Tactical toons are getting shafted with regards to good abilities. Sure, we have the best firepower, but in an all-out battle and PvP, that’s nowhere near enough. ANYONE can buy an escort, it’s not a Tactical exclusive like I thought it’d be. Tactical toons need more interesting and useful abilities that match up to the other 2 classes. I mean, right off the bat, Engineers have a few great tricks, Science officers have some awesome ones (Tachyon Beam and Jam Sensors are personal favorites so far).

What do Tactical officers get?

No, seriously, what do they get? I’ve forgotten because I thought they were so crappy I just don’t use them.

… Oh, right: Torpedo Spread, Fire at Will (gawd help ya there, Riker), High-Yield Torpedo and Target Subsystems.

Hmm… Torpedo Spread and Fire at will are basically the same but one is torpedoes and the other is phasers; good skills for shooting lots of small targets, like mines… but mines barely do anything to my shields and dissipate after no more than 60 seconds, so who gives a rat’s crap. If they made mines stick around longer and have a much smaller cooldown time, then this might be worth re-thinking…

High-yield torpedo is not bad unless IT’S SHOT DOWN (which the tooltip says is easy to do) and Target Subsystems, from what I’ve seen, doesn’t really do anything at all.

Ya, Tactical is where it’s at >_< Riiiiight…

And while I’m bitching, there’s been a bug in the “tailor” that’s cost me around 1000EC by now; my rank pips. The whole time I was Lieutenant, any time I went to adjust my uniform, it would NOT accept any changes until I removed those pips, then purchased. If I wanted to show off my pips on my toon, I had to go BACK in to the Tailor, THEN put the Lieutenant pips BACK on, and purchase it at 140EC. And I changed my outfit A LOT. Such a waste. Having a SECOND outfit has become even MORE expensive, as it turns out the FIRST time you go to design your second outfit, IT DOESN”T WORK, instead you pay the amount it said the second outfit YOU DESIGNED would cost, and instead get an EXACT DUPLICATE of your FIRST outfit. Which means going BACK in and buying it all over again.

And SPEAKING of wasting credits, there needs to be a BETTER explanation of what weapons and abilities actually affect; There’s been a few times where I bought a weapon and used it only to find that what it said it did and how that really affected combat weren’t exactly matching up.

Why, on my tier 2 escort, can I not have a second forward phaser array that’s linked  to auto-fire with the primary forward and rear phaser arrays? Why? Who decided that the secondary forward energy weapon HAS to be manual fire? I mean, if it’s cannons or disruptors rather than phasers, I get it. But if it’s an EXACTLY THE SAME phaser bank, why NOT have them linked?

We need more interesting low-level non-combat missions, too, or at least more warning that it’ll be a non-combat mission. Several times now I’ve beamed down to a planet expecting to be jumped by Gorn or Nausicans and all I got was running around and pressing a few buttons. If I’d known there’d be no combat, I’d have been ok with it and taken the time to read the dialogue boxes more; as it was, I just skimmed through them thinking that I’d get attacked any minute! Such a let down. I did find that the missions get more interesting overall AFTER I hit Lt. Grade 6 or 7, but COME ON! Isn’t there ANYTHING you can do to make the earlier missions just as interesting?

And there needs to be a LOT more explanation on the HUD options – ALL OF THEM! There’s a lot of options and the only explanation is the pop-up tooltips; I’ve had to go AFK a few times because I’m just sitting there reading the tooltips to figure out what the different options do! I’ll be posting a lot of info on that here in later posts as it seems there’s NONE in the Collector’s Edition manual at the back of the art book…

Cryptic has a large pile of FAIL where communication seems to be concerned.


March 20, 2010 Posted by | Nit-picker's Guide | Comments Off on Whine, bitch, moan…

Smart player is SMAAART!

THIS GUY has some amazingly great ideas…

I hope Cryptic reads this and takes it under SERIOUS consideration

March 20, 2010 Posted by | Ideas for expanding | Comments Off on Smart player is SMAAART!

Proof women really are smarter…

I was sent this story in an email message. Poor bastard…

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife… A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest…
The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer.

The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety….??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home, loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I’d get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the


Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul)while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5″ long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, ‘no possible way!’

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best .

I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, ‘Don’t do it stupid,’ reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and …


I’m pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair. I’m still looking for my testicles and I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return!

P.s… My wife can’t stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!

March 20, 2010 Posted by | Off-Topic | Comments Off on Proof women really are smarter…



(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This isn’t actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man.. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . That will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying F– YOU!

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

March 20, 2010 Posted by | Off-Topic | 1 Comment

Some interesting yet useless facts

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that’s more like it !)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig..)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I’m still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don’t try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.
(Honey, I’m home. What the…?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes.. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life…quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm……)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat’s urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. ( I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

March 20, 2010 Posted by | Off-Topic | Comments Off on Some interesting yet useless facts

New morsel of knowledge

You know what I learned in the wee hours of the morning today? Akira class vessels are kewl starships.

March 20, 2010 Posted by | Geekgasm | Comments Off on New morsel of knowledge